“You get what you accept”

Do you know what is acceptable to you?  Do you have a line that separates acceptable from unacceptable?  Do you find yourself making excuses for other peoples’ behaviour, even though you feel the behaviour isn’t right?  Well, you get what you accept.

Look around you – what do you see?  Are you happy with your partner, children, work, friends, life in general?  Are there areas where you have settled for less than you want?  Do people continuously treat you in a way that makes you feel less than?  If your life looks like this, the first question to ask is:

“How much of this do I own?”

Have you accepted certain behaviour from people over time so that it has become acceptable?  If you have, make a list of what is and is not acceptable to you and let people know about it.  Stand up for you because you are worth it!

If you get what you accept, and if you only accept the very best, it stands to reason that is what you will get.

This post is dedicated to two of my beautiful friends, one for giving me the quote and the other for being brave and working hard to only accept the best.

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Not my “Type”

Over the years, I have become less enamored with personality profiling as a useful tool in understanding self.  Mostly because I’ve seen the tools misused in a variety of ways  – ranging from emotionally scarring an individual who challenged their type to boxing people into a certain type, often by the person themselves “I’m a 9 (Enneagram) so I don’t do conflict”

From my experience, I have never seen personality typing executed well.  Most often, the instrument is completed by the individual, their type spits out at the end and someone walks them through an explanation.  That is normally where it ends.  The result is either someone who can now put a number or a series of letters against their name (!) or someone who can justify why they cannot perform a particular task, even if it is within their role.  To this end, I heard a senior manager say (many years ago) that they could not have tough conversations because they were a type 9 and did not handle conflict well).

Or course, there is a wealth of information on the validity and reliability of such tools and sadly, many are questionable (you can Google this for yourself).  So, what do you do if you are asked to investigate profiling for your organisation?  Firstly, do some research.  You’ll find that the Big 5 Personality Traits is the most reliable and valid.  My money is on DISC because it looks at behaviour (a full report will give you both your preferred behaviour and your behaviour when you are stressed).

If you have to implement a tool, please make sure that you have a plan in place that goes beyond explaining type – look at how to utilise this information to support working within a team, with your manager, progressing your career and how to make the most of your strengths.

A final note:

Personality typing is only one tool to better understand self and it needs to be used in conjunction with a variety of information about who you are and what you are capable of.  Remember you can always behave outside your comfort zone, depending on the situation because you have the power of choice – a much more powerful tool than the outcome of any personality test.

 

 

Laughter – best medicine or…

My ten year old daughter got her first school detention on Friday.  The reason?  Laughing in class.  That’s right, she laughed out loud, was asked to stop and couldn’t so she got a detention.  Detention means 15 minutes of play time spent in the “thinking” room, thinking about the perils of laughing in class

This is my daughter’s 5th year in school and to my knowledge, she has never been in trouble for laughing in class before, although I am certain she has a history of laughing as she tends to see the humour in certain situations.  I wonder if teachers are aware of the power they have in the classroom, of their ability to either take the children on a journey or suck the life out of them, depending on how they see the world

Parents have the same power, so do leaders in organisations.  If you are a parent, leader or teacher, take a look at your children, team, classroom and remember that you set the tone. Will you take your people on a journey or suck the life out of them?   It’s a really, really big responsibility that you have.

How did I react when my daughter told me about her detention?  I laughed…